yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
