Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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