After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
