I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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