And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
soo... how was my night?
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