i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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