If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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