I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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