I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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