She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
