The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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