I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize