what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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