STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
