I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
