Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
