dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
