if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
