remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
