Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if only i could text you this smell
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize