It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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