he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
