I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
