There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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