Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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