Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
