Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
