I just saw a hot homeless man
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
