haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize