he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
