UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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