What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
