Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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