im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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