Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
