I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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