i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
