You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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