STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize