so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Enjoy the penises
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
