I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
