if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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