I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
