Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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