Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
