I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
