God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
