I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
