There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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