I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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