saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
