Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
