my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize