No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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