Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Randomize
