Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize