Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
