Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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