its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
