Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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