Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize