Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
