I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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