end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
