I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate your face
I don't think brook has ever known best
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
