Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
