Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize