He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
