I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
