I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
