I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
