he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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