nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
