Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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