Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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