high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
