The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
