I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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